


Forever

by NanakiBH



Category: Final Fantasy XII
Genre: Angst, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-07 13:20:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14081796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanakiBH/pseuds/NanakiBH
Summary: Time is the world's most valuable treasure.





	Forever

**Author's Note:**

> An idea I had while replaying. Decided it was worth sharing.

“Wow. That was...” Vaan interrupted his own laugh with a wince as Balthier tightly wrapped more gauze around his upper arm. It was hard to act smug about the success of their hunt when it left him with so many injuries. “Who knew an old golem could still pack such a punch?”

Balthier shook his head and sighed as he secured his bandages for him. “Was this really the golem's work? Or was it the overwhelming number of undead who arose when they heard our footsteps treading upon their resting place? That was one of the most unfriendly welcomes I think I've ever received. An understatement, perhaps.”

That was awfully true. Then again, they hadn't expected much else from a place called the _Nabreus Deadlands_. With a name like that, it seemed guaranteed that they would encounter unsettling and dangerous things. Only dead things flourished there. Their living presence was unwelcome, rejected by the Deadlands like a virus. It was as though the spirits of those who had once lived in that place were still trying to defend their home from intruders. Surely, if anyone tried to claim that land, they would have been cursed.

They had no business being there.

Their contractor most likely had their reasons, but they also must have known about the danger hidden within the mist of the ruins. Living beings didn't belong there anymore. Even their best intentions had no place.

He and Balthier were more eager to participate in hunts than any of the others. Their contractors almost always had ulterior motives, so they just had to take them at their word, using whatever sparse information they were given. They had to make the most of things and fight marks that tested their limits. It felt unfair of them to get the others involved.

Ashe came along with them. She didn't complain, but Vaan sensed her irritation.

Before they even made it to their target, they were ambushed by a swarm of undead. It was exhausting, trying to constantly rid themselves of ailments while forcing their way through the repulsive wall of bones and rotting flesh. When they were in the thick of it, Vaan imagined himself collapsing there, being suffocated by the putrid smell, smothered underneath the stampede of corpses. Ashe hadn't said anything, but the haunted look in her eyes indicated that she must have imagined something similar.

That wasn't what Vaan wanted. But he didn't know what he was expecting.

Whenever Balthier came to him with a bill for a ghastly mark, he felt something in his chest light up. He shouldn't have been so excited, but he was. He was always a little hopeful...

 

Ghosts were real.

 

It wasn't just his imagination. As it turned out, the scaredy-cats back home weren't liars. The souls of the departed still lurked beneath Rabanastre in the waterways. Those with a grudge clung to their place of death or sought out the ones who wronged them in life by tormenting their dreams with terrible nightmares.

Whenever they defeated an undead mark, its soul was released from its earthly bindings.

At that point, where did they go? It was hard to say. Everyone had their own idea of what the afterlife was like, yet they had no way of proving its existence.

It felt like enough just knowing that their souls sometimes remained.

So there was a chance.

Somewhere out there, one of those days, eventually...

 

“I must've been out of my mind, contracting with such a shifty client...”

Vaan blinked and stared at Balthier. “Huh? What was shifty about them?”

“What _wasn't_ shifty about them?” he groaned. He sent a glance in Ashe's direction, then immediately looked away from her to hide his guilt. “Don't you remember the way the client kept muttering under their breath? They kept saying something about their 'son'... Do you think that golem _was_ their son? Sending us to a place like this, I should've known we were being used as exorcists again.”

“Hm... I don't know. The golem seemed mindless to me. I think it was just reacting to defend itself. I think the contractor just wanted us to shut it down. It's obvious why they couldn't come here on their own.”

Vaan winced again as Balthier grabbed his other wrist and moved his hand to his knee so he could begin bandaging that arm.

Their supply of curatives was getting dangerously low and they were too exhausted to continue using magicks. Until they recovered their energy, they were going to have to rely on their raw strength to see their way back to town.

Although Balthier wouldn't say it, Vaan got the sense that he regretted letting Ashe come with them. He was a gentleman, after all. He trusted the girls, but he hated seeing them putting themselves in harm's way, especially when it came to their frivolous lust for the hunt. He didn't want to rely on Ashe's healing even when it was offered.

“I can understand if the Lady Ashe wants to see to our safety, but what about you?” Balthier asked, tightening the bandage a little too tightly as if to provoke an answer. “Trying to impress me? I'm already fool enough on my own. You don't have to join me for every one of my harebrained money-making schemes.”

It wasn't like that. Not entirely, anyway.

Once Balthier was finished with the bandage, Vaan eased his hand away and sat back. He felt the unpleasant dampness of the ground beneath him and immediately regretted his decision, wishing he'd stayed crouched like Balthier or found a comfortable rock like Ashe.

He tapped a finger to his chin in thought, considering Balthier's question. He had an answer he didn't want to say.

“The farther we get from Rabanastre, the more I realize how much there is I haven't seen. Together with everyone, I've seen incredible, unbelievable things that I would've never seen if I hadn't left. Even in familiar places, we've found things we never noticed before.”

“Ah, but of course. That's why you wanted to become a sky pirate like yours truly, isn't it?”

“Yeah...”

But he couldn't tell Balthier the real reason why he always eagerly followed him on those particular hunts. It seemed foolish. Even he realized how stupid he was, hopelessly hoping that he'd see him again out there. It was just, if a chance existed, then he thought he would've seen him out there again eventually.

 

Reks had so much left to live for.

 

Soon enough, he was going to be older than his brother was. The thought of getting older without him was too much to bear. He was supposed to be his little brother forever. He was always supposed to be the one following after him, watching his back. He wasn't ready to move on ahead. It shouldn't have been that way.

Reks would've agreed, he thought. He'd always treated him like the little brother who he had to protect. If his decision to join the army was made in order to protect him, then... Was he satisfied with the way things turned out? Wherever he was, did Reks know that he took up the sword? It probably would've displeased him to know that he planned on challenging the Empire personally.

But... It wasn't like he could stay his feet. His sword wouldn't bring Reks back, but he couldn't cut the path to the future without it, either. Ideas of revenge were something he'd already abandoned.

All that remained was a dull and persistent ache; a longing to see Reks's face one more time.

 

So... If some resentment lingered in Rek's heart the way it did in his, then...

 

“I know what you're thinking, Vaan.”

 

He should've known that he couldn't hide his intentions from Balthier. It was too obvious.

In truth, there were many reasons why he wanted to become a sky pirate. Adventure called to him the same way it did to any boy his age. At times, he felt silly for feeling so excitable, yet when he looked at Balthier, five years his senior, a sky pirate with notoriety to his name, he realized that his dream wasn't as silly as it sometimes sounded. If he was serious about it, he had the proof that his dream could become real.

But, he was only going to fall from the sky if he kept trying to fly while still bound by the things that tethered him to the ground.

“It's alright,” Vaan said, holding his knees. “I don't want to have any regrets. I want to see as much as I can possibly see. I gotta do it for him. I just... wish he could see it all with me. So far, we've seen all manner of reanimated corpses, ancient spirits bound to statues and suits of armor – we've even helped out our share of ghosts, if I'm not mistaken.”

“Don't remind me about those children. Our eyes were surely mistaken,” Balthier said, shuddering.

“Well... Ever since I glimpsed whatever it was Ashe saw in Raithwall's tomb, I thought... Maybe... Maybe, you know?”

Though, as soon as he admitted to what he'd been thinking, he wished he hadn't said anything. In the most pathetically literal sense, he was chasing a ghost. He wouldn't have been surprised if Balthier chose to never tell him about future marks.

 

It was hard.

 

“It just doesn't feel fair that she gets to see Rasler again while my brother...”

“What she sees is an illusion, I believe – the stone itself,” Balthier interjected. “Were he the true Prince Rasler, I don't believe he'd still be idling in this place. Ashe is a strong girl. She'll see that, and then the Rasler she presumes to see will be gone.”

“Is that why I haven't seen my brother again?” Vaan wondered aloud. He smiled faintly and turned his head up to look at Balthier. “Are you calling me strong, Balthier?”

He didn't feel strong. He was pretty sure he sounded like a spoiled child, talking like that.

“Come now. Don't be putting words in my mouth,” he said with a sniff, looking away.

“It's just sad when I start to think about it. There are so many things in this world that I haven't even seen yet... But also so many things I'll never see again. All the people we've helped along the way – do you think we'll ever see them again?”

“Does it matter?” Balthier asked him simply. “Time moves along, and so must we. There's not a thing in this world you can seize forever. One day, in the far off, distant future, even those who claim eternity will meet their end. And what then? What use of memories will there be when even their significance is forgotten? What we have is just this moment now, ever slipping into the void.”

Balthier held out a hand, fist closed. When he opened his hand and spread out his fingers, Vaan imagined the scattering of dust to the wind; a metaphor to describe their memories, he supposed. All of the things they held on to and called their own would eventually become like dust on the wind, blown about and tossed outside their reach, irretrievable.

Without thinking, Vaan found himself staring at his own palm, stained with mud and his own dried blood. “Strange words coming from a sky pirate,” he muttered. “Doesn't it make you feel like everything's meaningless when you think about things that way? If everything's going to eventually become worthless, then... Why bother stealing anything?”

For a second, he was sure that he'd caught Balthier in the trap of his own logic, yet that second blessedly lasted but a second. The confident grin Vaan saw on his face when he looked back up at him was enough to instantly heal his uncertainty.

“I steal things now while they still have value.”

That was obvious. It should've been.

Reks was valuable, but he was already gone. Hoping for him to come back was just a waste of life's most precious treasure. Reks wouldn't have wanted that.

Balthier was right. It was a good thing he hadn't seen him again. An illusion wouldn't have been enough to satisfy him, but he wouldn't have wanted his brother's soul to remain trapped there with resentment, either. He wanted to see him again, but if he encountered a vengeful Reks who was indistinguishable from the tender, admirable brother he remembered, he might've regretted seeing him at all.

He should've been glad that he hadn't seen him. In his heart, Reks must have felt content with entrusting him with the future from where he left off.

 

Vaan knew that.

He really knew that...

 

Everything was temporary.

They were, too.

 

Pushing himself up, Balthier grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him up along with him. “Come. Mustn't keep the lady waiting.”

Before Balthier could turn his back, Vaan caught the hand that had let his go.

“Hey.” When Balthier looked back at him, Vaan tried to give him his own grin. It felt a little lopsided, though. “Is that how this conversation was supposed to end? Isn't the leading man supposed to finish things with something more uplifting, like... 'Nothing lasts forever, but there are some things that defy time'?”

Balthier raised a curious brow and the corners of his mouth curled. “Oh? What might that be?”

Once again, it seemed he'd gone and stuck his foot in his mouth. Unable to think of a proper comeback, Vaan floundered and sputtered instead, feeling his face reddening. It was going to kill him if Balthier seriously had no idea what he was talking about. He had to be messing with him.

“Y-You know what I mean, right? Something that _will_ last forever, even if it's just... in your own heart...”

Although Balthier's cocky grin remained, his eyes became a little serious.

Putting his hands on his waist, back straight, he turned his gaze toward the sky's grey clouds. Even though there was nothing to see there, Vaan felt like he could see what he was looking at – at the blue somewhere beyond.

“It requires a strong heart to believe in that kind of 'forever.'”

“Okay. Then I'll show you,” Vaan said. Finally, his confidence came out clearly. He was sure that Balthier saw it, too; he caught the brief surprise that flashed in his eyes.

Understanding his own immaturity, Vaan held on tightly to his childish heart that wanted to believe in something that would last forever. His love for Reks was still there. By the time he came to be Balthier's age, he believed it would still be there. And the place he set aside inside himself for Balthier... That place would still be there, too. Even if time caused memory to weather, his feelings for them would remain inside him – inside his own miniature 'forever.'

He'd show him as much to show himself.


End file.
